The Deep South

Sydney Opera House by Night

A few years back I married a fabulous Australian man, who said to me when he learned I was from Texas, “Well, you may be from the south, but I’m from the deep south.” I won’t lie, he made me laugh and continues to make me laugh day in and day out.

I’m a Texas girl through and through. Born and raised there with international stints thrown in along the way, and having lived 25 of my adult years in Colorado, my roots are still in the Lonestar State. However, if there is any other place on the planet I would call home, it would be the land of Kangaroos and vegemite.

I am just returning from my third visit to Australia and this trip, more so than others, I noticed some interesting similarities and differences in the way things work down under versus here in America.

Without further ado following are some observations I have on the “deep south”:

Food

• TimTams are EVIL and will go straight to the body part you don’t want it to.

• Vegemite is one of the earth’s most perfect foods (if you are a salty snack kind of person, you will LOVE Vegemite)

• Chocolate is better as opposed to the waxy faux chocolate we attempt to make in the States. Cadbury is my favorite.

• Produce here kicks our miserable stuff’s butt. I’m not kidding, the produce in Australia ROCKS!

• The bread in Australia is real and has zero, to very little, sugar. Translation, our bread pales in comparison.

• They still have bakeries in OZ, and they are WONDERFUL! There is this evil twin of Timtam’s and it’s called Vanilla Slice. A close second from the bakery is the Apple Turnover with real cream (think thick wonderful handmade whipped cream). Said bakeries are solely responsible for the 7 pounds I gained over three weeks (but really I don’t care every single bite was totally worth it).

• Grocery Stores are smaller than ours, and even though there are fewer brand choices, their products are superior to ours (particularly their gluten-free offerings).

Drinks

• A lemonade is equivalent to our Sprite.

• Foster’s beer is NOT the beer everyone (or even really anyone) drinks. Most Australians think it’s awful.

• The drinking age is 18, with which I totally agree. If you are old enough to go to war, you are old enough to drink.

• Bundeberg’s Ginger Beer is the best on the planet. THE BEST!

Wildlife, and Things that Slither and Crawl:

• Currawongs, Magpies, and Myna birds are assholes. The Currawong will literally dive-bomb your head.

• While waiting on the Manly Ferry to take off I got to hear the seagulls screaming “Mine, mine, mine…” Finding Nemo NAILED IT!

• Kangaroos are nocturnal and suicidal, this is really handy to keep in mind when driving at night.

• Huntsmen spiders are creepy, they look like tarantulas but are ten times the size.

• Funnel Web Spiders... no bueno! They look like tarantulas but are mean and will kill you.

• Australia has the top 1-10 deadliest snakes on the planet, several of them are extremely aggressive. Moral of the story, stay out of the bush.

In General:

• There is a severe lack of paper product usage/availability. Napkins which in Australia are referred to as serviettes are scarce, and are not freely offered.  At one establishment I actually had to pay for a serviette. Paper towels, tissues, and toilet paper (yes toilet paper), are also used stingily.

• Along those lines, you have to pay for condiment packets such as ketchup, which is called tomato sauce in OZ.

• There are on/off switches on EVERY SINGLE outlet in the whole country. So, for instance when you go to plug your iPhone into the wall socket, not only do you plug it in, but you turn the switch on for that particular outlet. There is absolutely no vampire draining of energy when an item is not in use.

• All credit card transactions are done by you, while you hold the card reader, and your card NEVER leaves your sight.

• The plumbing in the deep south is awesome! The water pressure is better than any I've ever had in the U.S., showers are so very satisfying, and the toilets really flush (none of this sort of wussy-flushing nonsense that goes on up here).

Overall it is such a fascinating country, so similar to us in many ways, yet very unique. I find I have a natural affinity for the place and the people who live there, almost as if I were Australian in another lifetime.

I will go there many more times I’m sure, and I will enjoy continuing to learn the wonderfulness that is Australia.

Social Media Society

I’m an extrovert, and so is my brother, which I find a little funny because my parents are introverts, and we must be exhausting for them. So when social media came around, I was all over it. What could be more exciting for an extrovert than to connect with friends, reconnect with long-lost friends, and socialize?

Also, being an organizational and efficiency freak (think borderline OCD), social media enticed me with its streamlining capabilities. Think about it, I was now going to be able to tell a story once to ALL my friends instead of a million times to each individual. It was bliss and opened up a lot of extra time for me to do more activities, experience more fun, and pay attention to more people (extrovert…remember, people are essential to us).

Time passed, and technology evolved at a head-spinning speed. Suddenly, one day I looked around, and everyone else was looking down. Physical interaction was a distant memory.

The reality hit me with the impact of a freight train. The social media I had so happily welcomed and embraced as my means to connect had ultimately become the destruction of actual community. The physical isolation and the safety of hiding behind a screen allowed for politeness and kindness to dissolve, and the potential for anonymity created an outlet for the darker side of humanity.

So while I was ecstatic at finding my best friend from 1976, who I hadn’t seen or heard from since we were at school together in Singapore, I was also beginning to miss meeting people out for drinks, a movie, or bowling. Now all my friends would only talk to me on Facebook and be too busy to meet me for coffee.

The extrovert began to sulk, realizing that the social media I had been so excited to embrace was now causing isolation. I saw kids standing right next to the person they were texting. When I asked the kid why he didn’t just talk to his friend standing right beside him, he shrugged and mumbled, “I don’t know.” I mean, come on, our kids don’t know how to actually talk to each other?

With social media, we have lost the art of conversation and the ability to connect meaningfully with our fellow humans. Today being social is all typing, memes, and emojis. I miss getting dressed up to meet friends out for fun. Now I don’t even have to get out of my jammies if I don’t want to, and no one is the wiser.

Does wanting us all to get off the electronics and physically engage with each other make me the revolutionary or the old fart who reminisces about the days gone by?

Who Was The Teacher?

New Years Day 2016

I was on time to work because at the ripe old age of 51 I no longer find it necessary to ring in the new year at midnight. Having been asleep well before ten o'clock the night before I was bright eyed and bushy tailed for my assignment New Years Day.

When I checked the computer that morning while signing in I read that I would be spending the day with two 4 year old boys who had never skied before. Most instructors would have groaned and grumbled, but I looked forward to starting my year with these two boys.

They arrived with their parents promptly at nine, little Hamish was carrying his own skis and grinning, Max on the other hand wasn't quite sure about what was in store so he hid behind his mom's leg while she gave me the run down of what the day would bring. The boys were not brothers, but best friends who were only born two days apart. The moms had been college roommates, and had ended up in the same city and neighborhood, which made it pretty much inevitable that the boys would be close.

We all took off and headed for the gondola, all the while Mom kept reassuring me Max would be fine the minute the doors closed and she was gone. Thankfully she was correct.

The second the doors closed Max turned to me and started babbling about the snow, skiing, and myriad other subjects, with Hamish joining in with giggles and grins. When the doors to the gondola opened both boys bolted out urging me to hurry and come help them get their skis on.

I introduced them to the "magic worm" (a little device we use to keep the tips of little ones' skis together making it easier for them to make a wedge to stop). I told them about the invisible snow snakes that were sneaky and liked to grab kids ankles and make them fall down. They were most intrigued about Mr. Bunny with his all white coat and one black ear that he would use to wave at kids when they learned to stop. The boys unanimously decided to be snow snake hunters and cover up every snow snake hole we found to keep them from coming out and pulling people down.

The reason I wasn't grumpy when I saw I would be with these two boys is because a day with four year old's is happiness you can't buy. That age is generally joyous, full of wonder, and they have absolutely no filter. Hamish and Max did not disappoint. They were kind to each other, and held hands when they walked. They looked out for each other, and shared everything.

I was riding the magic carpet standing backwards so I could face them, and Max said "Miss Tiff, be careful you can't see behind you and you might trip." I said, "Don't worry Max, I'm keeping an eye over my shoulder." Hamish leaned around and said, "but the snow snakes are invisible and they could jump on the carpet and grab you, and you can't see that over your shoulder." I had to laugh, he was right.

When we came out after hot chocolate break, Hamish tripped going down the stairs and banged his helmet on the hand rail. He looked up at me and said, "good thing I had my helmet on. Hamish one, snow snakes ZERO!" I chuckled again. Max grabbed Hamish's hand and said, "C'mon we've got a lot of snow snake holes to cover to save all the other skiers." Hamish looked up at me and asked, "Miss Tiff, are you a super hero?" I was confused, and asked why he asked. "Because you haven't fallen down once today, so you must have a super power that keeps the snow snakes away from you." I said I wasn't aware of any special powers, that maybe the snow snakes just didn't think they could get me. Max replied, "or maybe they know Hamish and I are your protectors!"

When the boys learned to stop on their own I shouted "Yay team!" and Hamish shouted "Team Tiff rocks!" I laughed again, and said "Hamish you are too funny." To which Hamish replied, "and I'm clever!" Max joined in, "yeah, it's the Max and Hamish show!"

I had to remind myself these boys were only four years old all day, they most certainly were smarter than the average kid. Max told me all about the toys he and Hamish had picked out for the kids at the homeless shelter, adding, "because after all, they should have presents on Christmas just like me and Hamish." My heart melted.

Later Hamish started dancing and I asked, "what kind of dance is that?" Hamish replied, "It's my boogie dance, it gives me rhythm." I said, "oh really?" Hamish replied, "yep, and rhythm makes me ski better, ya know, it gets you in the groove!" I snorted on that one, and laughed harder when Max joined in the dance.

When it came time to hand them back to their parents I didn't notice them behind me making snow angels. When I turned around they ran and hugged me and said, "we made the angels for you Miss Tiff, they will always be here to watch you and keep you safe." I won't lie, I teared up a bit. I knelt down and hugged them both. Their parents were ecstatic, as their expectations had been extremely low, and seeing the boys skiing, stopping, and turning was way more than they had imagined.

As I walked away and headed for the locker room I realized I had learned as much from those boys as they learned from me. They started my new year off with joy, and thoughts of sharing, and seeing the world through the unfiltered eyes of two four year old's. I learned that kindness is key, friendship is a treasure, helping others is important, and that every now and then you should do a little "boogie dance" to get your rhythm so you can get in the groove of life.

Thanksgiving

There are two days every year that I love to celebrate. First is my birthday because that’s the day my moms (both of them) always made a big deal over (bigger than Christmas). The second is Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving is by far (measured exponentially) my favorite national celebration and one I wish the entire world celebrated. It is not religious in its roots or its meaning. Instead, it is a day focused on all the bounty, abundance, joy, love, and happiness we have received throughout the year. It is an opportunity to reflect on our gratitude for what we have, regardless of size or magnitude. What is better than a day where everyone comes together and joins all their thoughts, energy, and action toward a common view of gratitude? 

Yesterday I took some time to sit quietly and review the things I’m thankful for (it does help that I have a gratitude journal which my husband and I fill out every single morning without fail). After saying thank you individually to each of my friends, family, and people I hold so dear in my heart, I moved on to the other things I give thanks for this year. It started with always having the basics in the hierarchy of needs, then moved to be thankful for living in a country where I enjoy so many freedoms (and for the people who work to protect those freedoms), and finished with “thankful to be alive.” Then, moving on, I gave thanks in advance for rational, thoughtful, peaceful minds and hearts coming together to build an army of compassionate and reasonable souls focused more on how we are alike and how we are all the same no matter the color of the costume we are wearing when we are born.

This year, I’ve been bombarded with the message that it’s not enough to think and that thinking must be accompanied by action. So on that note, I will leave you with the wisdom of Gandhi:

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Happy Thanksgiving!