The Deep South

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Sydney Opera House by Night

A few years back I married a fabulous Australian man, who said to me when he learned I was from Texas, “Well, you may be from the south, but I’m from the deep south.” I won’t lie, he made me laugh and continues to make me laugh day in and day out.

I’m a Texas girl through and through. Born and raised there with international stints thrown in along the way, and having lived 25 of my adult years in Colorado, my roots are still in the Lonestar State. However, if there is any other place on the planet I would call home, it would be the land of Kangaroos and vegemite.

I am just returning from my third visit to Australia and this trip, more so than others, I noticed some interesting similarities and differences in the way things work down under versus here in America.

Without further ado following are some observations I have on the “deep south”:

Food

  • TimTams are EVIL and will go straight to the body part you don’t want it to.

  • Vegemite is one of the earth’s most perfect foods (if you are a salty snack kind of person, you will LOVE Vegemite)

  • Chocolate is better as opposed to the waxy faux chocolate we attempt to make in the States. Cadbury is my favorite.

  • Produce here kicks our miserable stuff’s butt. I’m not kidding, the produce in Australia ROCKS!

  • The bread in Australia is real and has zero, to very little, sugar. Translation, our bread pales in comparison.

  • They still have bakeries in OZ, and they are WONDERFUL! There is this evil twin of Timtam’s and it’s called Vanilla Slice. A close second from the bakery is the Apple Turnover with real cream (think thick wonderful handmade whipped cream). Said bakeries are solely responsible for the 7 pounds I gained over three weeks (but really I don’t care every single bite was totally worth it).

  • Grocery Stores are smaller than ours, and even though there are fewer brand choices, their products are superior to ours (particularly their gluten-free offerings).

Drinks

  • A lemonade is equivalent to our Sprite.

  • Foster’s beer is NOT the beer everyone (or even really anyone) drinks. Most Australians think it’s awful.

  • The drinking age is 18, with which I totally agree. If you are old enough to go to war, you are old enough to drink.

  • Bundeberg’s Ginger Beer is the best on the planet. THE BEST!

Wildlife, and Things that Slither and Crawl:

  • Currawongs, Magpies, and Myna birds are assholes. The Currawong will literally dive-bomb your head.

  • While waiting on the Manly Ferry to take off I got to hear the seagulls screaming “Mine, mine, mine…” Finding Nemo NAILED IT!

  • Kangaroos are nocturnal and suicidal, this is really handy to keep in mind when driving at night.

  • Huntsmen spiders are creepy, they look like tarantulas but are ten times the size.

  • Funnel Web Spiders... no bueno! They look like tarantulas but are mean and will kill you.

  • Australia has the top 1-10 deadliest snakes on the planet, several of them are extremely aggressive. Moral of the story, stay out of the bush.

In General:

  • There is a severe lack of paper product usage/availability. Napkins which in Australia are referred to as serviettes are scarce, and are not freely offered.  At one establishment I actually had to pay for a serviette. Paper towels, tissues, and toilet paper (yes toilet paper), are also used stingily.

  • Along those lines, you have to pay for condiment packets such as ketchup, which is called tomato sauce in OZ.

  • There are on/off switches on EVERY SINGLE outlet in the whole country. So, for instance when you go to plug your iPhone into the wall socket, not only do you plug it in, but you turn the switch on for that particular outlet. There is absolutely no vampire draining of energy when an item is not in use.

  • All credit card transactions are done by you, while you hold the card reader, and your card NEVER leaves your sight.

  • The plumbing in the deep south is awesome! The water pressure is better than any I've ever had in the U.S., showers are so very satisfying, and the toilets really flush (none of this sort of wussy-flushing nonsense that goes on up here).

Overall it is such a fascinating country, so similar to us in many ways, yet very unique. I find I have a natural affinity for the place and the people who live there, almost as if I were Australian in another lifetime.

I will go there many more times I’m sure, and I will enjoy continuing to learn the wonderfulness that is Australia.